


Break

by ReturnToZero



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, PBnJ - Freeform, Swearing, Teacher/Student, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 09:28:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3931714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReturnToZero/pseuds/ReturnToZero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hadn't meant any harm in asking certain questions, but it seems as in every novel he's read, someone always had a different disposition, a different want that seemed so abnormal and different-not bad, but this was actually more than he asked for-</p><p>Gamzee Makara becomes a teacher and finds himself having trouble being professional. </p><p>(Warnings: Yaoi, Age-gap, Teacher/Student, Swearing, etc.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break

Gamzee had to be a professional.

He was young, fresh out of college actually; He would be starting his first teaching job in a week from today. English was his passion among multiple other art forms, but he wanted to be able to inspire the younger generation, teach them the importance of such literature and writing in the world. Even if it was just for a personal sort of thing then he had achieved his goal.

What he didn’t expect was to have a wonderful class, and wonderful students. It seemed that he was well liked, often people had admired his strange charm and boy-ish smile, and used adjectives such as ‘unique’ and ‘easy-going’ when referring to him; he had found himself in a wonderful position. His students did their work, did their best and he was astonished at how they were able to engage in such a subject as much as he could. It was beautiful, miraculous even. He tried his best to make his class not only a place to think and write but as a special place to give everyone a space to express themselves. His journal prompts were meant to allow his students to be who they wanted to be.

He hadn’t meant any harm in asking certain questions, but it seems as in every novel he’s read, someone always had a different disposition, a different want that seemed so abnormal and different-not bad, but this was actually more than he asked for.

**What do you trust?**

_I trust my family’s love is unwavering._

_I trust my friends will always be able to teach me something._

_I trust that anything magical and beyond me is not always bad._

_I trust that the person I love will do their best to love me._

_~~I trust that Mr. Makara can help me more than he thinks.~~ _

It was cute. It really was. He liked to help people, make them feel better and okay. As hard as this world was it was also so beautiful, and worth it. It was worth it.Gamzee laughs; this moment is ironic in retrospect. It seems even his life was much like a book, not until he looks back does he realize things, does he know where to continue from. Yet somehow he’s here, he’s here and he’s gone so far away from his original stance.

**What is your deepest fantasy?**

_There’s quite a few fantasies I have, actually. I want to be able to fly, like in Peter Pan, with love, trust, and pixie dust! I also want to be able to do well in whatever I decide to pursue, and feel confident. I also have a fantasy about a person, a particular person that I want to love. I want to be able to show them how I feel but I can’t. I hope I can one day tell them, or maybe have someone like them. I already know I am in love with them, but it’s impossible. More impossible than flying even._

Gamzee felt bad sometimes, he read through all his student’s responses but sometimes some of them were more interesting than others. Some of them held a depth that went beyond simple words, simple responses. They held so much more power, said so much despite it not being explicit. One of his, dare he say, favored students never failed in delivering such thoughtful and alluring responses.

He always found himself saving it for last, to finally complete his night of work.

Whenever he found his page in the stack he would put it aside, alone; he would give him the most attention in grading his papers and commenting on his assignments- Tavros deserved it after-all. It was a shame, he never spoke much in class-he seemed like such a shy little kid when he was asked to talk. Gamzee allowed him his space, and the times that Tavros did decide to contribute to the class certainly brightened his day. The teen had always done well on all his assignments and quizzes, and he was always very attentive in class. Even with such a wonderful class he was the shining student.

Gamzee gave a weak chuckle; Tavros was one of the names he learned first actually. He was horrible at remembering names, yet he could match Tavros so easily. Tavros had asked him a few questions after the first week of classes, so it became common that he would set aside time for his star pupil. Everyone also had his cell-phone number, in case they needed further explanation on an assignment, within reasonable hours of course.

**What are you most afraid of?**

_Well I’m afraid of lots of things like spiders and mean people but I guess I’m most scared of being rejected? Like, hated, not simply turned-down. I would rather stay quiet and keep everything in than lose those that I love._

Gamzee smiled, sometimes he felt he got to learn more about people through writing than anything else. Sure, human interaction was wonderful and all-but writing was more intimate in his opinion. Tavros was very honest in his responses, and took such poetic approaches to some prompts. He always posted his paper on a special board, but he tried not to do it too much, lest the other students get jealous. Tavros never assumed that his paper was posted though, and often looked through the return box before going to the board to look for his paper. He could be really adorable sometimes, how his eyes lit up at being venerated- it never failed in making Gamzee smile.

_“Th-thanks Mr. Makara!”_

Gamzee remembered when they finally got to a first-name basis, and Tavros had gotten so skittish at saying his first name. Whenever he said it though-it was very careful and timed. He pronounced it very clearly, often having a very particular way of saying it. Shit, he had thought nothing of it-just the kid was opening up a bit and such.

**What was your most recent dream about?**

_I can’t say._

This was what Tavros turned in a couple of days ago, it wasn’t like him to do such a thing. The poor kid looked so guilty, turning in a blank page with a one sentence response. The class went on and Tavros put his head down, maybe he wasn’t feeling well. During one of the timed essays Gamzee made his way over to the Latino, seeing that Tavros hadn’t started on it at all-

“Hey” he kept his voice hushed, gently grabbing Tavros’ small shoulder “Are you feeling okay?” Tavros stayed quiet, moving away from Gamzee and nodding, “You sure? I could send you to the nurse if you don’t feel good.” The boy avoided eye contact, not even bringing himself to face him.

Gamzee decided to leave it alone for a bit, walking back to his desk and seeing how some of the students would occasionally look back before resuming their work. Finally class ended, yet Tavros had yet to get up from his seat. The class piled out and he stayed, face down on his desk once again. Gamzee moved a bit faster this time, something was obviously wrong.

Tavros had yet to do any work today, and he seemed upset. Gamzee knew exactly how he looked when he was confused or upset, and this wasn’t it. He knew how negative this air was, and Tavros had certain little gestures and responses when he was mad or perplexed; so something was definitely wrong if he hadn’t even attempted a response.

He was staying quiet, before finally his shoulders trembled, shaking in a very distinct pattern-

Tavros was crying.

“I’m sorry. I’m so-so sorry. I-I need you to do something for me M-Mr. Makara.” The boy had finally looked up from his desk, his tears leaving glistening track on his cheeks. His face was slightly red, his eyes puffy from the emotion expressed through salty tears-

“You know you can ask me for anything Tavros. And we’re friends; I already gave you permission to call me Gamzee and all.” A frown began to form; he wanted to help Tavros- **he needed to help him.** He had never been too well at consoling people, but this was too pressing to not deal with.

The boy moved, reaching down from his seat to grab his bag, pulling out a long paper from his folder and setting it on the desk-his hand holding a pen, “I can’t be in your class anymore. Please uhm, sign this.” Gamzee stared at the transfer request, finding a red ‘X’ to highlight where he needed to sign.

“Are you sure? Is this what you really need?” Gamzee couldn’t understand why this would be warranted, but if Tavros thought it was best then so be it. Tavros nodded, still avoiding eye contact and Gamzee signed it, sighing a bit sadly, “You’re a wonderful writer Tav, I was lucky to have you as a student. Good luck…and I know you’ll do well.” He offered a smile, seeing the kid pack up and still confused to why such a decision could be made without…anything. Tavros was deathly silent, finally getting to the door way and looking back, making eye-contact for the first time in the day.

Gamzee couldn’t read those eyes as well as he read books, but the way his face had such a sad and sorrow tint made him want to go and hug the boy.  **He wanted to keep him.**

The week passed, and Tavros hadn’t come to class. He was no longer on his roster, his desk now unoccupied. He missed looking for the boy, using his Mohawk as a way to easily take his attendance. He missed looking over during a quiet time in class and seeing him write furiously; in an attempt to express all his ideas and desires. He was precious in his class, and it was a shame that he was gone.

Soon he began to remember weird little details that he would have never expected to know, like how his beauty marks had somewhat trailed down to his neck and his under his shirt and his freckles had about three or four different colors all over his cheeks. Tavros had bright orange braces, and he had the cutest dimples when he smiled. His eyes were almond shaped and he had a small diamond piercing by his nose, much like one of those Marilyn Monroe beauty mark piercings. Tavros had thin lips that were rosy against his sun-kissed skin, and his nose was small and adorable. Gamzee was able to paint an image from memory;  **he literally painted a portrait of Tavros from memory.**

Gamzee hadn’t realized how bad he was, it wasn’t normal to know so much. This was bordering creepy now-suddenly it hit him, what if Tavros was picking up on this and he got scared? It would definitely explain the transfer request, and how Tavros was acting.

He looked back at the comments, and maybe it all was so hard to read-it could go this way or that way;  **It could be interpreted in ways that it wasn’t meant to be.** Then again maybe this was just always like this and he didn’t realize until he actually looked into it.

He sighed,  **he liked Tavros too much.** He couldn’t do anything about it now. He was gone, it was done-and he still had a class to deal with.

**What is your biggest regret?**

This was today’s prompt.

Everyone came into class, getting to work and he was about to close the door till he saw him.

Tavros was walking in the direction of his class, seeing Gamzee and staying silent. He wondered when Tavros would finally stop and turn into a new classroom. The boy simply kept walking forward, closer and closer-

Tavros was directly in front of him, he tried to smile, still shy and skittish as ever; he ended up coming into the room and setting the transfer paper on his desk, a bright red stamp of ‘DENIED’ over his signature. He stared at the paper, in complete disbelief. He finally looked and found Tavros in his usual seat, jotting down the prompt and hesitantly answering, covering his paper from view. Gamzee smiled, as sick and horrible as this whole thing was he couldn’t help but feel great.  **He was elated, higher than any other feeling he had ever had the miracle of experiencing.**

His grace and poise was spotted as he answered, yet he made sure no one saw his response, shuffling his paper into a different part of the stack. Tavros didn’t speak up that day yet he wasn’t as focused on the work or the lecture- he made more eye-contact than usual. Gamzee felt shivers go down his spine at one point,  **how Tavros was so fixated on him than the stupid literature**. At the end of class Tavros lingered slightly, waving before bolting out of the room, his footsteps loud as he made his way to wherever he intended.

Gamzee had an empty conference period after lunch, and finally today he could catch up on some of the grading for the last timed essay. He smiled as he worked through the last of the essays, finally getting to today’s journal prompt-

He decided to change it up and start with Tavros’, his paper was unusually high on the stack; most likely due to his shifting of papers-

**What is your biggest regret?**

_My biggest regret was not answering the last prompt. I have always been so honest with you Mr. Makara, so it was selfish of me to refuse to answer such a simple prompt. To make it up to you I am going to answer it now; My most recent dream was about making love with you. I indulge in your attention, and in my dream you definitely gave me that attention. It was all so vivid, the sounds and the touching and how hot it all was. I loved how hard and rough you were, and how your curls are despite you pounding me into the table. Oh yeah, we fucked on your desk. I loved kissing you and being beneath you, I loved how you were so raw yet loving, and how you claimed me. You were perfect, crushing me with your love and your being. It makes me weak in the knees just thinking about it, like how much I wish it was real and how you could finally claim me. I want to kiss you and have your attention only on me. I love everything about you, not just your body or something shallow like that. I wish that I could love you as much as I intend and I wish you could return my feelings but I know you can’t. It’s wrong and I bet you think I am disgusting-_

_Another regret I have is that I will lose you now. Finally, my last and biggest regret is that I can never make you happy, never make you so overcome with lust or overcome with sheer love._

_It’s okay though, because I still love you no matter what. Even from the very beginning I loved you, and even though our love is impossible, mine for you is seemingly infinite._

Motherfuck. Motherfuck-Motherfuck!  **His heart fluttered way too many times during that, and he was so fucking horny from just a few details.** Gamzee cradled his head in his hands, his curls brushing his fingers as he continued to lean forward. God was he sick; he was infatuated with a teenager for crying out loud.

Gamzee had to talk to him about this. Maybe this could all be easily resolved-and then it would be fine. Tavros’ parents wouldn’t have to know and Gamzee wouldn’t have to report it.

Gamzee had to be professional about this.

**He couldn’t fall in love; it would break both of them.**

**Author's Note:**

> I said this was a possible two shot and then I forgot all about it! LOL sorry, IDK if I can finish it though, but I do like how it came out so I decided to post it on here.
> 
> Feedback is much appreciated!!!


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